Yearning
I can draw, but I haven’t played the piano in 2 months, and it makes me feel sick. Actually, being sick makes me feel sick. But I miss my family and I miss my friend, and my heart is breaking and God where are you in all of this, because I can’t relate and everything is closing in on me, and I’m not ready to cry.
Today Naama asked for me to answer some questions for a freshman chapel video. The questions are “What is freedom?” and “What has God freed you from?”. I couldn’t answer, and my heart was beating so hard it was ready to burst through my ribcage and onto the lobby floor, but all I said was, “may I think about my answer?”. To tell the truth is to reveal myself to the school. To withhold it is to lie. He’s freed me from so much, but I don’t want my redemption story to become my crutch, or my defense. My pain is private, it isn’t theirs to know, to behold. But His victory in my life, who am I to hide that?
“Freedom is the individual’s ability to express free will. He’s freed me from narcotic abuse.”
Naama says to give him the word, and he’ll remove it from the video; no one will know.
I need a piano, and I need my friend. I have neither. God, where are you tonight? Remind me of yourself, please, because I’m lost.
2 years ago • Notes